np: ugly kid joe - cats in the cradle

"i sit here, my legs crossed, the ground is warm but the wind,
when it occasionally blows softly, is cold.

i sit here and my expensive leather jacket keeps me warm,
makes me look good.
when the wind doesn't mess with my hair and i don't shiver.

when i don't have to frown because the wind made me lose the page i was reading.

i look ok actually, thinking about it now, but it feels rather stupid since
i'm reading words telling me how everything is a waste of time and life.
everything we own. everything we are.
i've read this book a few times already.

ah, well. i smile to all my nonsense, i smile and breathe out smoke,
i smile and feel like my life is after all worth living.

i have too much.
i know too much.

but in the end, this is all worth it. it feels like it now.

i sit here, reading, drinking my morning coffee.
in all silence,
thinking about how i could describe the thoughts and feelings i have,
but when i get back home and start writing,
i've forgotten all those deep thoughts and, yeah,
i can never tell you how it actually feels.

to feel like i'm living something beautiful."

-rulla